1.31.2013

Dear January, How Cold You've Been

Wow. January has been a weird month, full of conflicting emotions. To name a few:

Happiness. 
I love being a mom. It's the most fulfilling job I can fathom. I love being able to stay home with my baby girl and teach her, and learn from her. Even on the rough days, there are so many special, tender moments where my little girl just makes my heart melt. She is so sweet! I can't believe how fast she's growing, how much she is talking, and how much she loves me despite my many flaws.

Bliss.
Discovered a new chocolate chip cookie recipe. Best ever. Soft, buttery, rich cookies with little crunches of sea salt and big chunks of dark chocolate. To die for. Ahhh! (I'll share the recipe soon. Most of you probably have it, but my oh my it's changed my life!)

Lonely.
This month I have spent more time in doors, mostly at home, than ever before of my life. It's not cool, either. I feel like a recluse. Ick. Between the snow storms, the inversion (pollution, terrible air quality), a fickle flat Jeep tire and sicknesses going around our house, Bean and I haven't left much at all this month. How has that been? LONELY. On the days I've actually talked with adults I get ridiculously giddy. (And then I probably scare them off, since my brain is pretty set in the daily rituals of playtime, cleanup time, bath time...none of these topics are very riveting.) Luckily I do talk to one adult every day--Shaun. Sadly I don't see enough of him either! The "crazy semester" has indeed been just that thus far--CRAZY!

Frustration with Gross Pollution. 
You thought I was done with that huh? Ha! Those of you who've had the misfortune of hearing any of my big "vents" probably know I try to be "green" and I try to love this beautiful earth we live on, and I get frustrated when I feel alone in my convictions. This month has been especially frustrating, as Utah has had some terrible inversion. The air has been BAD. Bean has always had extra-sensitive lungs from her diaphragmatic hernia, and she has asthma, so the majority of this month the air was so bad it was medically unsafe to take her outside, and yet there were no large movements to reduce driving as a community or anything! I feel pretty alone in my frustration with this, and that's been frustrating. I worry that down the road we'll realize that this air has messed a lot of people's health up and we'll kick ourselves for not taking it seriously.

Laughter.  
Giggling with the Bean. Laughing with the husband. And looking forward to February, which brings the return of our favorites in the realm of tv-laughs: Community and Psych. Yay!

Wondering what the plan is.
Shaun especially has been feeling antsy about what lies ahead. We just don't know what to expect in pretty much all areas of life, but most important we always wonder when Bean will become a big sister and another sweet little one will join our family. Waiting is hard sometimes.

Overwhelming overwhelmedness.
Since getting my new calling, I just feel so inadequate! I've never been a president in an auxiliary and I definitely feel a heavy weight on my shoulders. There always seems to be so much I don't know, and I feel very dependent on the Lord right now. I am excited for all that I'm sure I'll learn though, and am grateful for the opportunity to be in primary! It's a calling I never imagined having, at least not until I had kids who had been in primary and knew the ropes more, but now that I'm in there, I am really just thrilled, and so excited to work with the sweet kids.

Glad this month is over. 
Here's to hoping February brings some more sunshine, less inversion, less sickness and more yummy chocolate chip cookies!

3 comments:

  1. You are one of the strongest women I know; you can do hard things! I'm impressed with all you've been able to handle. You can give yourself some more credit than you have been. You really are doing great. :) Let me know if you need anything!

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  2. Wow, you sure have had a lot of stuff going on.

    I'm sorry about the loneliness - what you described is how I felt a lot in St. George. We were separated by distance from pretty much all our friends and family, and with Jason at work it was pretty much just me and Ellie all day, every day. It's tough! And I'm sorry. :( Hopefully the air will get better soon and you'll be able to go out more. I saw about Utah's inversion on the front page of Yahoo news the other day - it sounds like it's really terrible this year. I think you're right that it's hurting a lot of people's health without them realizing it.

    That's funny about Iris hating meat! A little vegetarian. :) Ellie just tried meatloaf this week, and she loved it. She kept shoving all the little pieces in her mouth.

    And I think you'll do great as the primary president. You are amazing and have so much ability and love and you're going to be such a great leader for those kids. :)

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  3. ICK about the inversion! I remember winter of my freshman year up there waking up some mornings feeling super light headed and nauseous, and then some people mentioning that it was probably the inversion causing me to feel sick. I'd never heard of inversions before that, but I learned to strongly dislike them. You'd think more people would feel the same way and want to do something about it. And I'm sorry about the loneliness. I TOTALLY know how you feel. This week has been especially hard for me in that regard... but it makes what little adult interaction you do get worth its weight in gold!

    I'm glad that overall you have a positive attitude about all that happened last month. Here's hoping February is most excellent for you! :)

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