Today's guest post is from our friends from our local FSA chapter, Chelsy and Brent. They are a lovely couple, and we loved reading their thoughts on the trials of infertility and the blessings of finding the path the Lord has in store for one's individual family instead. Here's Chelsy and Brent:
Infertility is something you never expect yourself to experience. You just figure that when you’re ready to start having kids it will be as simple as making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, right? And who can’t make a PB&J?! Peanut butter + jelly = tasty lunch. Bam. Simple. Man + Woman = baby, right? Not always.
Infertility affects one in eight couples in America. We were part of the one. The only way we can describe our struggle with infertility is that we felt broken; physically broken, spiritually broken, and emotionally broken. It is by far the most difficult trial we have endured. Everywhere we looked we were constantly reminded about our infertility. It seemed like people were having babies right and left and as much as we tried to feel happy for them, baby announcements were only a reminder of what we were lacking. And we felt so incredibly lonely. We can’t tell you how many times we just held each other and cried out hearts out. Each month was a disappointment, and we were absolutely crushed.
The loneliness, in our opinion, is the one of the most difficult parts of infertility. We were going through the most difficult time of our lives and no one knew about it . . . there was no one to express sympathy, no one that understood. How do you tell someone about something so personal? And then, even when we did tell, so many were quick to think of solutions or share someone else’s miracle pregnancy story -- all out of good intentions mind you . . . people want to tell you that things can change -- but honestly, it always felt that people were trying to ‘comfort us’ by ignoring what we were going through and talking instead about someone else’s success . . . a success that we are never promised or guaranteed.
After a year without getting pregnant, we started seeing a fertility counselor. Soon after we went in for a test at the hospital to identify the problem, and then met with a fertility specialist to figure out the cause, but couldn’t. He told us that there weren’t any more tests to do so it would remain a medical mystery. One of the most difficult moments was hearing the doctor say to us, “I hope you didn’t plan on having lots of kids because it is very unlikely that you will be able to have any of your own kids without the help of a doctor.” That was when the reality really set in. We did want to have lots of kids. And we didn’t want the help of a doctor. We just wanted to have a normal family like everyone else and like we always planned.
We found out about a retired doctor at BYU who volunteers to help students struggling with infertility. he uses BYU’s facilities to offer free IUIs. After many unsuccessful attempts, we were again feeling discouraged and needed a break from getting our hopes up every month. That was when we first starting thinking about adoption. It took us several more months before we had the courage to show up at an orientation meeting. Even after our first meeting we still didn’t feel like the timing was right for us to pursue adoption. One night in September, after a late night walk and promptings from the Spirit, we felt confident that the time was right to move forward with the adoption process. We put together a blog and asked our family and friends to spread the word. We were contacted within a few weeks by a birth mother and are so excited to be adopting in May.
Through adoption, the greatest trial in our life has turned into the greatest blessing. Adoption truly is a miracle. We know that this is our baby; that she was always intended to be part of our family. She just needed to come into the world through someone else. God brings our families together in His way and in His time. And our relationship with our baby is no different because she’s adopted because we will be sealed together forever. Being an eternal family has nothing to do with biological births. It has everything to do with loving each other, taking care of each other, and living a Celestial life together. It is not a coincidence that we were hesitant to pursue adoption before our baby was conceived. And it is not a coincidence that as soon as she was, we were prompted to find her. Heavenly Father knows us each personally and cares most about our families. He is in charge, and He has not forgotten any of us.
Today we'd love it if you wanted to share this post, or any of the videos included below in this post, or any other uplifting talk about trials, loving our children, or strengthening families. For each that you share you may enter the giveaway of your choice an additional time. Another post we highly recommend about the importance of loving and protecting children is this one.