3.27.2013

Thoughts from a Birth Family (Guest Post)


This guest post is by three wonderful people, all very dear to our hearts--our daughter birth mother, K, and K's parents (Bean's birth grandparents). We love these people so much! We hope you enjoy reading some of their thoughts on adoption. 



Why did you choose adoption?
I chose adoption for many reasons but a few that stand out to me are:
  • I wanted my child to have what I couldn’t give.
  • I was not in the best situation in my life to be able to raise a child to the standards I would like my child to be raised in.
  • I wanted my child to be happy with a mother and father in her life instead of the parents always working to make ends meet.
How did your expectation compare to how things turned out?
Well I will admit my expectations didn’t turn out the way I would have hoped because of medical difficulty, but even with that I personally feel that it went way better than I would have expected. With the craziness and hardships I felt that it gave me more comfort with the decision I was going to make.


What things did people do that helped you the most when you were deciding what choices to make and after placement?
Well right when I knew I was pregnant I knew I was going to be placing. My parents helped me by being supportive, loving, not upset, and being understanding. I didn’t tell any friends because I lost all of my friends due to situations so the only thing I had was family.
Then finding a loving couple who was hoping to adopt helped me out, as well as when I saw them with Iris in the NICU and how they treated her with love even before she was theirs.
After placement those who helped me were (again) my family, and my daughter's forever family. They understood my boundaries, what I hoped for, and are still understanding.

What advice would you give to an expectant mother considering making an adoption plan for her baby?
Through my experiences I would say talk to someone. There is always at least one person who will listen and not judge you for what you are going through but you have to just have to find that one person. When you find your adoptive family talk to them about anything and everything that you have concerns about.


What would you want people who don’t know much about adoption to know?
I would say that adoption has been a wonderful, loving, and selfless act. It’s so hard to describe it after going through the process of placing a child for adoption.
All I can say is that I don’t regret it for a minute not even after I signed the papers. Also if you feel like it is a direction or something you want to learn more about go to a specialist who knows the ins and outs of the process and can help you figure out if it is the direction you would like to go.

Anything else that you want to share:
The thing I would like to share is that if you feel like adoption is what you should do than start searching and finding your answers to your questions. If you are searching for a family and you feel like its hopeless, just go at your own pace and trust in what you feel. The right family will come along when it is right.

How has your life been affected and blessed by adoption?
I can tell you this- it wasn’t easy. As time passed it got easier but without time you can’t heal. I've been blessed by adoption. I feel I wouldn’t have been blessed to carry out my education the way that I wanted to I'd chosen to parent. I am blessed to know that Iris's family will always love and care for her the way that I wish I could. My daughter's family has touched my heart so much just by their example they have made me want to become stronger in my faith and everything that I do. They have been so amazing through this experience. I have been blessed by adoption so much more than I could have hoped or even expected.

 
If you'd like to read about Bean's birth from K, click here. 


How has your life been affected and blessed by adoption? 
(From K's parents, Bean's birth grandparents)

From Birth Grandma:
Every situation is different when it comes to reasons why someone places their child for adoption,
but the motto is true, that adoption is all about love for their child. Personally I don’t feel it is about
how adoption has affected me or blessed me. I feel that it is more about how it will affect and bless the child. 
I know that if we would have kept Bean she would have been in the middle of a tug of war between her birth mother and birth father. She would have been confused being tossed back and forth. When I see Bean with her adoptive parents she is so happy and well taken care of. The love that they show her and the happiness that they have. I guess I am affected and blessed when I see them being happy whenever we visit them and I know that my daughter did the right thing and chose the right parents for Bean.

From Birth Grandpa:
It was with mixed feelings when I received the news about my daughter's pregnancy. As her father I
was well aware of how much her life would be changing. I have great trust and love for her and knew
she would make the right decisions based on her baby’s needs as well as her own. This child would be
my first grandchild and I did not want to over influence my daughter one way or the other. I watched
as my daughter very maturely and prayerfully arrived at her decision. As difficult as it was at the time,
she had my complete support. Having now gone through the whole process, it is really all about what
was best for my grandchild and secondly what was best for my daughter. From the first time I met the
adoptive family, I felt the great love they had for my daughter's yet unborn child. I saw how concerned
they were when my grandchild had some health issues after birth. It truly was if she was their very
own. Over these last few years, true to their word, I have visited with them, watched how they care
for her and seen how my daughter is able to interact with her child. The joy in my daughter's face,
the growth in her own life, and the love the adoptive parents constantly display is assurance enough
to know that our lives are blessed by adoption. As I have often said, It’s more like I adopted a son and a daughter. I know that God sent them into our lives at the right time and after all, as His children, we are all part of the same family for eternity. My granddaughter is where she needs to be.



Big thank you to our wonderful birth family for this post. We are so blessed to have them in our lives, we really are lucky! We love them. 

4 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing! The faith of everyone involved in this story is inspiring.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I loved this post! You can feel their strength and faith through their words

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow, what a great post! I really appreciated reading Iris's birth family's perspective on things. I can only imagine the struggle they went through making the decisions they did, but what a grand gesture of love and selflessness they ultimately made! It makes me so happy that you all so clearly care for one another!

    ReplyDelete

thanks for commenting!

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